Inspecting the Poo

I am sitting here feeding Emily breakfast with concern that she hasn’t pooped in a whole day.  Never in my life have I thought about poo so much since becoming a mom.  And seriously, what else do I really have to talk about?  Changing diapers and inspecting poo is one of the top things I do with my day, so it’s not surprising that I have a lot to share about this topic.

If you are a new mom then maybe you can relate to these concerns I constantly have running through my mind every time the baby poops or doesn’t poop.  Is she pooping enough?  Is she pooping too much?  Why is this poop green?  WHY IS IT BLACK?  What the F is that in her poop?  Is it suppose to be slimy?  Look at that tiny turd!  What consistency should her poop be right now?   Ewe, it’s freaking disgusting…..  Oh my god it’s on my hand……  What’s that smell?.. IT’S ON MY NECKLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

So, I wrote the above two days ago and never had a chance to finish this post.  I was reminded to finish it this morning when my husband brought Emily to me in bed and told me that he left a diaper on her change table for me to look at.  This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Why?”

Devin: “Well, she pooped and I thought you would want to look at it.”

Me: “Is there lots?  What does it look like?”

Devin: “No, it’s about this big” (as he displays the size using his index and thumb fingers) and it’s not very squishy.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.  I have been giving her lots of prunes and was hoping there would be more.  Does it stink?”

Devin: “No”

Seriously, this was our very first conversation waking up in the morning and it was about poop.  Obviously the first thing I did this morning after feeding Emily was hop out of bed to inspect a SH*T.  And yes, Devin is a liar because it does freaking stink.  Let’s face it, this is what life is like now.  I have accepted it.  I use to be the person that always laughs at or is making a good poop joke, but this is no joke anymore.  This is my life.  I have inspected so much diaper junk in the last 8 months I’m pretty much expert at it right now.  So goodbye to “Lisa the Poop Joke Teller,” and helllllooooo to “Lisa: Inspector Sh*T.”

What did you get up to this morning?

 

Baby’s Masterpiece

 I’ve got a long long list of “to do’s” today and napping is one of them. My 7 month old has magically turned herself into a newborn sleeper so waking up every 1-2 hours a night is getting a little rough.  On my list of to do’s is not however writing a post, but hey! I’ve got a baby nursing on me so I have a tiny bit of time to spare. Plus, I really wanted to share these little art projects I did with the babe that are so super cute and such a great little keepsake AND gift. I got the idea from a fellow momma and thought I’d try it out. All I did was splatter some paint onto the bottom of my little teething, non-sleeper, tiny monster and stuck her in her jolly jumper. I placed a little canvas under her feet and away she went creating her masterpieces. What an artsy little baby she is!   I gave one to both grandmas for Mother’s Day and kept two for myself. I really like the idea of having her create a painting for each Mother’s Day and keeping them as a little keepsake.

  Anyway, this sleep deprived momma has got some stuff that needs to get done. If you see me running around town today giving everyone in my way a jealous stink eye for sleeping through the night or napping against my cart in the grocery isle, forgive me please. No sleep makes me all kinds of crazy. Bye for now! 

  
    
   

I’ve got a lot of special momma’s in my life and this post is for all of you. Happy Mother’s Day!!❤️❤️

If our kids could really express their love, perhaps this is what they’d say….

   

And to my mom. I can’t believe allllllllllll the crap you’ve put up with and still do but go on loving us now matter what. Yes, we are adult women who have children of your or own but still act like children ourselves.  Thank you for EVERYTHING!!!!!  I love you mom.  Also, thanks in advance for not yelling at me for posting this AWESOME pick of you.

Love to you all!  Enjoy your special day tomorrow!!

“Me-ternity Leave”….Are you Kidding Me?!

So on a couple talk shows I’ve been watching this week one of the topics has been about a woman who was writing saying that every woman should have a me-ternity leave even if they don’t have kids.  My first reaction was “Are you kidding me?!”  This is nooooooooooo vacation or “a walk in the park.”  I mean if you really want to have a “me-ternity leave” then there are some rules that I think you should follow……

1. While on me-ternity leave just rub some sandpaper on your nipples every 1-3 hours for the first two and a half months.
2. Every few nights or so, have your partner pour water on the front of your shirt while you’re sleeping so that you wake up nice and damp in the morning and oh so cozy :).
3. Don’t get dressed for the day!  Sounds so great doesn’t it, but just don’t get too cozy.  Why don’t you splash a little warm milk down the front of it and rub some snot on the shoulder?  How about wearing that outfit to the grocery store?  Out for a walk?  Trust me, it’s called having mom style.
4. There will be nooooooooooo sleeping in!!!  Absolutely NONE!  Instead, you must set your alarm for every 2hours, stay awake for a half hour, try to sleep again before your alarm goes off in an hour and a half.  Repeat for the rest of your leave.
5. For some relaxing “me” time, run yourself a bath, wait a half hour before jumping in, look up some soothing baby cries on youtube, light a candle, get into the cool water and listen to the soothing wails while you close your eyes and destress.
6. Going shopping, to the grocery store or for a coffee??  Great!  All you have to do is play those soothing baby wails as loud as your phone will allow, do your shopping or chug that coffee as quickly as possible and get your  butt out of the store to avoid all the glances and glares that are darting right in your direction.
7. Want to clean your house?  Awesome!  Here’s what you do…..start with vacumming, but only do half your house, stop for an hour and sit in a rocking chair in your house, rock back and forth for a half hour with your shirt off, then lay down on the floor and read a story, play with a ball, now finish your vacumming and fill up the bucket to mop your house but then stop right there.  Sit back down on your rocking chair with your shirt off, rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth……….. Now go back to mopping your house, but as quiet and quickly as possible….like you’re in frantic mode or in some kind of olympic mopping race and you’re setting the world record of mopping.  Once finished, go back to playing those soothing baby wails and forget about dusting or cleaning your bathrooms. It’s just not going to happen today.
8. Are you hungry?  Too bad.  Have the food a few inches away from arms reach and just stare at it.  You won’t be getting that food for another hour.
9. But you’re really really hungry?  Okay, fine, you can get that food.  All you do is oh so carefully, very carefully and slowly get up and reach for that food….Oh shoot, wait! Turn that soothing baby wailing sound on and eat your lunch in peace.

I am not saying that I don’t enjoy my maternity leave, because I ABSOLUTELY do and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I get to spend every day with this baby that I’ve wanted sooo badly and that I love so much it hurts.  But it’s not easy and it’s a HUGE adjustment from being able to do whatever, whenever.  This is no vacation, it’s hard work, it’s draining, time consuming, stressful, but it’s the best.  Now, do I think that women should have leaves from work when they don’t have kids?  ABSOLUTELY!!  We all need vacation time, there are a lot of people out there who are incredibly over worked and deserve to destress and separate their lives from work.  Just don’t compare it to a maternity leave because it’s not even close.

 

 

 

Decorating a Baby Shower on a Dime

Spring is in the air and it got me thinking about fresh new little animal babies being born.  Don’t you just want to throw a shower for all those cute little babies?!  As a kid I would have, but first I had to find some babies……..It’s a terrible thing I did once when I was young, but I crawled up my dad’s not so sturdy wooden ladder to a nest that was glued with mud and sticks to the side of our house.  I snatched myself up a thin, naked little birdy and decided I would now be it’s mama!  I mushed up berries and worms and tried feeding the poor thing not knowing what to do.  I feel really sad reminiscing actually because I know exactly what happened to that poor little birdy before I ever got to throw her a welcoming shower.  I had to go to school the next day and had to have somewhere to place my new baby for the day, so I stuck her in a box with no lid and put her in a place where it had shade in the morning between our bright yellow house and the neighbour’s fence.  By the time I got home after school, that same shady area had now been turned into the most sunniest hot box place of the house.  Soooo much heat that the tiny, naked little birdy was now fried chicken.  What a morbid story to start talking about baby showers!  Anyway, now to find the point of this post just keep reading to find out how I enjoy decorating for baby showers and keeping little birdies in their nests as an adult.

Welp, Martha has been add it again, but for this post just call me “Martha on a Dime.”  Buying decorations from stores is waaaay too expensive so I found ways to make decorations for the baby showers I have thrown from a trip to the dollarstore or scoring some deals at Walmart.  Although it may take some time to create, the money you save is soooo worth it.  (In my opinion anyway, I’m pretty cheap!)  I mean, I love to save money so much that anytime toilet paper goes on sale I literally scream in my head “Whooo hooo! SCORE!  Start the FREAKIN car people, now that’s a DEAL!!”  Ahhhhhhh, nothing like cheap butt wipe to get a girl going…

Anyway…. back to throwing showers for cheap, cheap, cheap!  This is a shower I threw for my cousin and her cutie little munchkin.  I wanted to do something neutral and I had a star themed idea in my head.  When I was out at Walmart one day I found some scrap booking paper that was on sale and thought that I could incorporate it some how into the party.  I ended up cutting out stars and banners from it which was perfect for the theme.  I actually made that wreath out of willow branches I cut down one afternoon while I went “fishing” off shore with my husband.  I printed off a cute little saying and added it to the wreath that hung outside for guests to read before they entered.  I bought some hemp yarn from the dollarstore and glue gunned stars and the banner cutouts to it.  I used the extra stars for the guest sign-in area where I had guests write little wishes for baby that were then placed in the star box (again found on sale at Walmart) to be given to his mom at the end of the party.  Rather than a guest sign-in book, I love the idea of having a children’s book for guests to sign to be kept as a keepsake to remember the special day.  Also, on the food table you might see a basket of napkins that went along with the colour scheme that I bought at the dollar store and wrapped with the hemp yarn to tie everything together.  And Voila!  A super cute cheaply decorated baby shower!

The next baby shower was for one of my sisters and her baby boy.  You know those puff balls that are so cute and you see on pintrest all the time?  Well I went to go buy some and thought better of it.  Each ball was so expensive and I wasn’t about to waste my money, so I found a way to make them and it was super easy!  I also saw on pintrest some cute circular garland that I really wanted, so I went to the dollar store bought some blue poster paper and cut out little circles.  I used a hot glue gun and glued each circle to fishing wire and BOOM!  Beautiful cheap decorations!  This one did take a very long time and was very tedious, but again if you’re willing to save the money and use a lot of your “free” time, then I say it’s worth it!   Also, I printed off cute little sayings and placed them in photo frames we already had.  I made the napkins into little bow ties by cinching the middle and holding it together with a piece of ribbon. (Scroll down below if you want to see step by step on how to make some of your own puff balls.)

I have thrown more than 3 baby showers but these are the ones that I actually took pictures of.  So, the last one was for my baby sister and her little baby girl.  Very similar to the blue shower but in pink!  The garland I made from tissue paper which I cut out small flower like pieces and sewed (sewn, sowed?…umm whatever) fishing wire through all the pieces.  The little onesies that are hanging I had cut out individually from cardstock that I had probably found on sale :)).  The guests wrote little wishes on the onesies for the baby too.

Anyway, this post is a little all over the place but I hope you can see that throwing a cute little party doesn’t have to be expensive!

Making decorative “Puff Balls”

Step 1:  Lay 8 pieces of tissue paper flat, one on top of the other

Step 2: Start at one end and fold back and forth like a fan about 1 inch thick

Step 3: Secure the middle with either a tied piece of string or wire

Step 4:  Gently (the pieces sometimes rip), pull up one piece at a time to start to form the ball

As an addition, you can cut the ends rounded or spiky (which ever you prefer) to create a different look for the puff balls.  I would suggest doing that right after Step 3.

 

“Running Late is my Cardio”

 

Okay, so I follow Jillian Harris like a stalker and she has a line of clothing that I absolutely love (Jillian Harris for Privilege), click here to find it online!!  My sweater just arrived in the mail and I feel like her twinsie because she wears this all the time.  I ripped it out of the bag and threw it on and will probably be wearing it for days before washing it.  (Anyone else do this with their new clothing, or am I the only dirty one?).  Anyway, the logo says “Running Late is my Cardio” and this couldn’t be more true now that I have Emily.  First of all, Emily is 6 months old and I have yet to work out.  I am definitely not one of those #noexcuse mom’s/people because dammit there are plenty of excuses I can think of…… like Marilyn Dennis is on the television talking about re-decorating your house, or I didn’t sleep well last night so I’m going to take some time to have a little nappy, or I’m going to fricken Dairy Queen for darn sakes and get myself a blizzard for the 2nd time this week so get off my back about it!!  Second of all, I am CONSTANTLY in a rush.  I think I give myself plenty of time if we have an outing, but then shoot the babe has got to eat before we leave the house, then of course as soon as I put her into her carseat she starts grunting like a heffer in the spring having her first calf and then poops her pants.  So of course you’e got to change the diaper, but then as soon as she’s taken out you notice that the poop is up her back and millimeters away from her hairline, so then you try to very carefully take off a onsie without getting poop on her face and you try to wipe it all away with some baby wipes.  Then you feel like a bad mom because you just gave your babe a wipe down with baby wipes but there’s probably still poop particles lurking so you stick her in the bathtub and wash her up just to put your mind at ease and feel better about yourself.  You quickly dry the babe off, find another cute outfit for her to wear, stick her in her carseat….but  now she’s fussing probably thinking “what have I done to deserve this treachery today mom?!”  You shush her with a sucky and rush out the door arriving almost an hour late to where you’re suppose to be.  That’s just one example, I could go on…. like right now Emily is napping and it is the perfect opportunity to hop into the shower and get ready for our playdate that starts in almost an hour….but I thought of this so wanted to make sure I write it down.  Late shmate!  I am sure I will make it….we will see!  Gotta go and get ready…..

 

 

 

 

A Mom or a Nudist?

Sometimes I reflect and look at my life and think “what have I become?”  There are things I do now that I never thought I would be okay with before baby….like feeling so satisfied after sucking the snot out of my 6 month old’s nostrils using what’s called a “snot sucker,” or walking around all day with a stinky spit up stained shirt and being okay with it.

Being a breastfeeding momma, I feel like I’m constantly exposed to the world.  The other day I was at the mall getting Emily’s picture taken with the Easter bunny when she started to get hungry, so I sat down with my booby trapper (nursing cover) and was getting myself prepped for feeding when I realized the one side of me I was “prepping” wasn’t even covered. There I was flashing every one walking by but in all honesty it didn’t bother me. When did I become so okay with flashing the poor people of the mall? That’s when I realized I’m not only a mom, I’m now a nudist! Here are some other signs showcasing just that. And if you can relate to any of these, perhaps you are too!

1. You’ve greeted someone at your front door with a boob hanging out and you didn’t really care that much.

2. Your baby is napping when you decide to finally shower for the first time in days. Suddenly your dog starts barking at your gigantic bay window in your front room and you leap out of the shower in fear your baby will be awaken, bolt to your pesky mutt  in your birthday suit only to be staring directly into the eyes of someone on the sidewalk infront of your house. Quickly you cover your parts, back away and act like nothing happened. (This one happened to my husband but I had to share anyway…..)

3. You’ve lost track of the number of times you’ve said “sorry, my boob is out.”

4. When flipping through the selfies you’ve taken of you and your babe you’ve realized that many are not Facebook appropriate due to the fact you forgot to “cover up.”

5. You’ve sat on your furniture naked and nursing your newborn because there just wasn’t anytime to get dressed today.

Anyone else feeling like a nudist lately, or is it just me? :0

Bird Nest Treats

  
Spring has arrived!! Well…..kinda, the official day has arrived but when you look out my window you wouldn’t know it.:( However, it still has me thinking about the little birdies arriving soon and what’s better than celebrating with a little spring treat?  With my teething little baby lately calling for my attention, I needed something quick and easy to make to bring to my sister’s this weekend for Easter.  If you’re an amateur baker who has MANY pintrest fails like me, don’t worry, this one is dummy proof!

  

What you need:

• 1/2 bag of butterscotch chips
• 1/2 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 cup of peanut butter
• 1/2 bag of crunchy chow mein noodles
• Mini eggs
• cooking spray
• mini muffin tin (has 24 cups)

 

Directions:

1. In a microwavable safe bowl, melt together the butterscotch and chocolate chips. DO NOT overheat!!! It took me about 60 seconds to melt the mixture.  Use short time increments to melt the chocolate. I started with 30 seconds then took the bowl out and mixed. Then I did another 20 seconds and mixed the chips, the more you mix the more chocolate will melt.  Then I put it in for another 10 seconds and mixed the rest until it all melted.
2. Mix in the peanut butter.
3. Add in the chow mein noddles making sure they are all covered.
4. Spray your muffin tin and spoon the mixture into each spot.  Add 3 little eggs onto each nest.
5. Place in the freezer to chill and viola!

**Once they were chilled, I took them out with a butter knife and placed in a container to store in the fridge until the weekend (I wanted to make sure they didn’t melt on my counter).  

Anyway, it made about 24 little bird nests, 3 large nests….and the rest went in my belly😀. 

Enjoy!!

Sensory Board for Baby

One of my old nicknames used to be Martha (aka Martha Stewart) because growing up I loved to craft.  When I was a teenager, you could find me on my bedroom floor hodge podging my dresser using old magazine pages or making picture frames out of empty cereal boxes to decorate my walls.  As an adult, I still love to craft, so when one of the mom’s from my mom group suggested we get a group together to craft for our babies I was in!

The momma who hosted went out and took her time to purchase materials that she knew our babies would love.  (She got most of the items from the Dollarstore and whatever was left over she was donating to a local charity!)  Then a small crafty group of us gathered at her place while our babies mingled and “played” (cried, fed, slept, laughed, grunted, growled, pooped…….) and we crafted sensory boards specifically for our little ones keeping “texture” in mind.  It was really great crafting with the other moms because you could take from one another’s ideas.  The boards turned out pretty cute and our little ones absolutely love them!

Little munchkins conversing while their mommas play 🙂

Cuties having Fun with their Sensory Boards

Turning 30

I am 30.

(Mic dropped!)

Well, I have to say, I never thought I would be 30.  I can’t say that I have ever wished to be 30 either.  When I was a kid, I wished to be 13 because I couldn’t wait to call myself a teenager as I would have finally reached my teens!  I could’t wait to be 15 because then I could get my learners and have my dad teach me how to drive….which by the way wasn’t too awesome as it would always end up with me putting the car in park (hopefully :)), storming out and walking home, leaving my poor dad frustrated with my not so awesome driving skills to drive back home on his own.  Now that I’m thinking of it, I’m sure it was a relief to him that he didn’t have to suffer through my painfully slow driving any longer.  Then I couldn’t wait to be 16 because I would finally get my license (which I did on my first try thanks to my dad who eventually trusted my driving skills a year later).  I couldn’t wait for 18 as then I would finally graduate and become a REAL adult.  Pfft, ya right, I still don’t even feel like a real adult.  Then of course, the age of 19 where I would finally be able to enter any establishment legally… I pictured myself as a classy 19 year old sipping martinis listening to some jazz music with my classy friends as we conversed about smart things…..where as in real life, I drank a martini once and it was disgusting and at 19, the closest I got to being classy was wearing a T-shirt under my toga made out of my unclean bed sheets.  After 19, I just pictured myself living in my 20’s forever as 30 just seemed so far away, and of course anyone who has reached their 30’s is soooo old.

I’m here now though, I am 30.  I’ve made it.  Devin planned a great day for me too to welcome me into my 30’s.  I was greeted by my family with a surprise birthday dinner at one of my favourite places – Fireside Bistro. I was actually surprised and had no idea where Devin was taking me or who would all be there.  I feel like a spoiled brat with all the wonderful gifts I received and am so grateful for my family (parents, grandparents, aunt, cousins, parent in-laws, sisters, brother-in-laws, nieces and nephew) who surprised me.  After dinner, we then ditched the kiddos with the grandparents and headed onto a party bus for an hour.  It’s funny because the pre-baby me would be dancing all around that bus, but instead we were just happy to have some “quiet” time while we drove around the city and “relaxed.”  Seriously, it was relaxing to not be needed for awhile and as much as I was having anxiety about leaving my baby for an evening, to my surprise it wasn’t so bad.  We then were greeted by more friends for drinks and bowling and by 10:30 I was already ready for bed.  Not because I was ringing in 30 like a party animal, but because I was exhausted!  Being a mom is tiresome and lately I’ve been lacking in the sleep department as my little babe likes to party every 2-3 hours in the night.

I can’t say that I feel any older from when I was 16 or any classier then what I was at 19, but man do I have a better appreciation for this life.  I am incredibly grateful for being able to be Emily’s mom, Devin’s wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, an auntie, a sister and a friend.  I thank God everyday for this gift and feel so lucky for everything and everyone that is a part of me. It’s hard to put into words how truly thankful I am to be able to be a year older and how privileged I feel when I wake up each morning with all that life has to offer me.  I don’t want to take any day for granted because this life we are given is so precious.  So here’s to 30!  I look forward to reaching many more milestones, spending time with family and friends, growing my family and making memories I’m going to cherish for the rest of my life. Cheers!

A little look at the night and how spoiled I truly was…..